No News is Good News
Just when we thought we had identifed most major types of sadistic people (bullies, tailgaters, middle management), the Winter Olympics has drawn out a new species. This species, known by its scientific name as jerkus surprisus ruinous refers to the people and/or news entities that insist on sharing the results of various Olympic events during the day, ignoring the fact that those same events are not televised until 8pm (EST) in the United States. What fun is it to watch the Olympics if you already know the outcome? Isn’t part of the Olympic fun sitting on the edge of your seat, wondering if the athlete from the US will land the jump and get gold?
I have been robbed of this joy a few times by NPR and MSNBC.com so far. Why on earth would you reveal the outcome of a not-yet-televised event without some kind of warning? At least the morning news in Grand Rapids tells you when to turn away from your television if you don’t want to see the results. My only option is to hunt down those people. A best-case scenario would look like this:
(I am patting down dirt around a reporter.)
Reporter: Why have you buried me vertically up to my neck on this beautiful beach?
(I continue patting dirt with shovel.)
Me: I think we both know that, Mr. Ruined-the-Olympics.
(I put a hat on the reporter’s head.)
Reporter: What are you putting on my head?
Me: A hat.
Reporter: It looks weird. What is it made out of?
Me: Bread.
(Seagulls cry overhead.)
Reporter: Uh, what are those papers that you’re putting in front of me?
Me: A tide chart and some information about seagulls that I printed off the internet, after I saw the scores from the Olympic curling event tonight.
Reporter: Um, I don’t really want to look at the chart and the seagull information.
Me: I didn’t really want to look at the curling scores.
And…scene.
Rachel responds:
Posted: February 24th, 2006 at 5:01 pm →
Wow…. remind me to never piss you off.
Deb responds:
Posted: February 24th, 2006 at 5:26 pm →
Ditto.
Caitlin responds:
Posted: February 26th, 2006 at 5:33 am →
Wow. Clap clap. Of course, I get to see these Olympic things before you anyway, living in Australia and all. Hehe. Someone else is experiencing pain. I like that it’s not me. Um… I don’t know you, I just felt like scaring some random. I’ve probably failed though, but oh well. You’d be better off burying one of those presenters on those sob-story ‘current affairs’ shows. They suck. Seriously. They should be buried in sand with a bread hat underneath seagulls. You know, I probably should too, as I spend my time leaving irritatingly lame comments on randoms’ blogs. Tootles
Playtah responds:
Posted: February 26th, 2006 at 6:45 pm →
Random is good! I like random! And you win the prize for being the first Australian to post to my blog. Congratulations!
mp3 best responds:
Posted: October 19th, 2006 at 12:05 pm →
mp3 best…
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download Hetaeria responds:
Posted: November 1st, 2006 at 8:07 am →
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gril illusian responds:
Posted: November 7th, 2006 at 7:32 pm →
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skobra charratha responds:
Posted: November 11th, 2006 at 7:22 am →
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lilly reetat responds:
Posted: November 11th, 2006 at 7:41 am →
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dacken thena responds:
Posted: November 12th, 2006 at 9:57 am →
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illusian revia responds:
Posted: November 12th, 2006 at 8:35 pm →
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keithel lacer responds:
Posted: November 13th, 2006 at 2:36 am →
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