The Nuts Are Running The Squirrel House

Me:  Hello, my name is Wendy.
Person:  I really like your hamburgers.

The next time you’re tempted to make a pun with someone’s name, please refrain, and remember this: there are no new name jokes.  You may think you are coming up with something new and clever, but you are not. 

Let’s say you have just met Harry.  Harry most likely did not have a good junior high experience.  Harry has heard every joke there is about his name, even the one you’re thinking about right now.  Yes, I know the one you’re thinking about is REALLY clever, but Harry’s heard it, trust me.  Therefore, if you have to make a joke about Harry, don’t make a joke with his name.  Avoid these:

1. Any joke involving hair
2. Any joke involving Harry’s palms or armpits
3. Any joke about Dirty Harry
4. Any joke relating to shaving or razors
And on the outer fringe:
5. Any joke involving tribbles.

Instead, make fun of Harry’s big feet, or his inability to sustain a meaningful relationship with anyone longer than 3 months.  He probably hasn’t heard those ones, and would welcome the chance for you to showcase your creativity.

When it comes to last names, the line blurs a little.  IF you can be super creative, you might have a chance of looking slightly cool, but only IF you are creative.  If the name is common, such as Smith or Jones, give up.  There is nothing new.  Here are some other things to avoid with last name jokes:
1. If their last name is Johnson, leave it alone.  Just walk away.
2. If their last name is Brown, they have heard every poo joke and “brown-noser” reference.
3. If their last name begins with a “Mac” or “Mc”, they have heard every McDonalds and kilt joke.
4.  If their last name is Walton, Brady, Cosby, Ricardo, Bunker, or Partridge, they’ve heard it all.  You will not be able to make a name joke and retain any aura of coolness.

Once in a while, you may run across a less common last name.  If that should happen, take out a paper and pen and write down the first 5 jokes that come to mind.  Then throw them away, because the person has most likely already heard those, or it’s a bad joke.  Make up a really creative sixth.  For example, let’s say you meet Fred Highwater.  Write down your first 5 jokes:

1. Highwater?  Weren’t you a wader? (waiter)
2. Highwater?  I don’t think liquids should do drugs.
3. Highwater?  Dam.
4. Highwater?  I sea.
5. Highwater?  I bet you really leave your mark.

Now throw those away, because they’re bad.  Use your sixth joke:

Fred Highwater:  Hi, my name is Highwater.
You:  Didn’t I see you in New Orleans?

There.  Not perfect, but you’ve blended wordplay with current events.  If you find out that Fred is actually from New Orleans and is now offended, fake a heart attack and run away.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 23rd, 2006 at 6:48 pm and is filed under General, Have A Laugh. You can follow responses to this entry through the Comments RSS Feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your site.