Ten Things I Hope I Get to Say During My Lifetime
10. ”Change for a ten? No, all I’ve got are these pesky hundreds.”
9. ”Fritz and Hans, you are the final two applicants for the pool boy position. Take your shirts off, oil yourselves up, and we’ll start the interview.”
8. “…And that’s how I won the Nobel Peace Prize.”
7. “These five rolls of film are from last year, when I saw Brad Pitt at the International House of Spandex.”
6. “I’m not rich because I’m a brilliant stock analyst. I’m rich because I found that if I mix a piece of the Wall Street Journal in with Mitten’s food, he leaves surprisingly acurate NYSE predictions in his litter box.”
5. “I’d like to thank the academy…”
4. “Winning the lottery twice was amazing, but I’m even happier that I was able to cure cancer and end the situation in Darfur.”
3. “And in this room, I keep all of my ‘World’s Best-Looking Butt’ trophies.”
2. “The poster said that he was wanted dead or a-LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!”
1. “Me? A superhero? No, no…I’m just a citizen in a penguin costume who’s handy with a lariat. But unfortunately for our lassoed bank-robbing friend here, I’m also handy with a little thing I like to call justice.”
deb responds:
Posted: September 16th, 2007 at 9:38 am →
#1 is my favorite. Which I’m assuming is why you made it number 1.
Terri responds:
Posted: September 18th, 2007 at 12:26 pm →
Hey, what’s to stop you from saying these things? You can’t live the dream unless you drive the dream.
Aria responds:
Posted: September 18th, 2007 at 2:24 pm →
I don’t usually swear on other peoples blogs out of respect for people… but I gotta tell you that that was the funniest shit ever:)
Loves you…
thanks for making my day
David in DC responds:
Posted: September 19th, 2007 at 10:44 pm →
This bears repeating: you are the funniest mammal in the blogosphere.
Happy belated birthday.