Drunk Off Their Asteroids
By now, you may have heard the news report about the NASA astronauts who were drunk on at least two flights. When told about this scandal, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan replied, “Wow, we could be astronauts.”
First the love triangle debacle, and now this drinking scandal! NASA is officially the world’s most expensive frat house. I would have thought that sobriety would be the preferred option, since in space, there’s always the possibility of making a wrong turn and FLYING INTO THE SUN. But that’s just me.
I hope NASA has video or audio of the drunk astronauts in space. I can just imagine an embarrassed NASA spokesman having to explain the footage at a hearing.
Spokesman: “This part of the video shows the drunk astronauts in space…here we see…one of them just had a fight with an empty spacesuit…and lost. Now we see two of them dropping their pants…they’re laughing and talking about ‘mooning the moon’…another astronaut has just peed in the corner, forgotten that he’s in zero gravity, and walked into his own floating pee-cloud….now they’re sniffing each other’s socks…now the first one is going back to the empty space suit for a rematch….and loses again. And that’s where the tape ends.”
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How will this story end? I can only assume that the drunk astronauts will be suspended, sent to rehab, and given their own reality show.
[P.S. Notice how I classily avoided any "Uranus" jokes. Some low-hanging fruit must be left for those who come after me. Speaking of low-hanging fruit, check out the squirrel pic below.]
