Interview With My Feet
Seeing as I am getting a tattoo on my foot this Thursday at 6:30 (finally got an appointment - yay!), I figured it was only fair that I give my feet some face time (er…foot time?) on my blog. I sat down with my feet today and had a heart-to-heart (er…heart to toe?).
Me: First of all, I’d like to thank both of you, Left and Right, for being here today.
Left and Right: We’re glad to be here.
Me: I’m sure many people are wondering, why do you go by “Left” and “Right”? Is it an indication of your political leanings?
Right: Wendy, look down.
Me: Ok. I’m looking.
Right: Which side am I on?
Me: The right. Oh! I get it! Ok. It’s more of a location thing.
Right: Exactly. But it is ironic, since I lean more towards socialism.
Left: And I’m more of a libertarian.
Me: I have a question specifically for you, Right. How do you feel about the prospect of getting a tattoo on Thursday?
Right: I’m kind of excited. It will be fun to have something to differentiate me from Left.
Me: Has there been a lot of confusion in the past between you and left?
Right: Well, apart from our political leanings, we are quite similar, so yes. There has been confusion in the past.
Me: And competition?
Right: Yes, there has been quite a bit of jealousy and competition between us before. Like that time Left and I got into a fight over who had the better heel. We started kicking each other and you tripped.
Me: Yes, I remember that. I knocked over the lamp.
Left: Sorry, lamp.
Right: Yeah, we felt bad about that for a while.
Me: Do you like the tattoo design?
Right: Yes, although the portrait of Tupac would also have been a good choice.
Me: The person who set up your tattoo appointment seemed to think it would be iffy whether or not the tattoo would fit on your side.
Right: Are you kidding? You’re six feet tall. I’m basically an outrigger.
Left: We’re like freakin’ Australian longboats!
Me: Is there such thing as an Australian longboat?
Left: I don’t know. But if you slap a country in front of a noun, it makes it sound bigger.
Me: Let me try that. Waffle. Belgian waffle. Hmm. You’re right. Left, how do you feel about Right’s tattoo?
Left: I’m happy for Right. And I’m glad I don’t have to go through that pain.
Me: Brain isn’t looking forward to that pain, either.
Right: Well, it can’t be worse than all the times you stub my toes each day.
Me: Sorry about that.
Right: Seriously, you need to learn how to walk.
Left: Or clean your apartment. There are so many hazards.
Shin: Tell me about it.
babybull40 responds:
Posted: May 22nd, 2007 at 4:08 pm →
Ha ha ha.. I am laughing my Ass off… She is amused and so is the rest of me.. I got a boo boo on my Right today.. dropped a heavy food basket on her.. she was not impressed.. But I dusted her off and kissed it all better.. that seemed to calm her down..Seems I have the same problem with Right and Left.. can’t walk well..
Rachel responds:
Posted: May 23rd, 2007 at 9:20 am →
My feet were screaming at me yesterday because I stuffed them in high heels.
I heeded their anger and wore comfy flat sandals today.
Andy responds:
Posted: May 23rd, 2007 at 11:21 am →
Funny stuff, Wendylady. My feet just keep begging me to get rid of the coffee table, before I actually break one of them.
mielikki responds:
Posted: May 23rd, 2007 at 4:21 pm →
My feet gave up on me long ago, just this year alone, I have dropped an adirondack chair on right, twice. Sigh. They choose at times to get even with me with the dreaded curling feet cramps, right as I am falling asleep. Evil things. I even painted their toenails red to foster a kind and giving relationship. . .
Kelly responds:
Posted: May 29th, 2007 at 12:26 pm →
hahahahahah!!! I love this. Most inventive thing I’ve ever read!