Another Fun Super Power
Picture this.
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You’re driving down the highway. Always the courteous driver, you make sure to obey the speed limit and leave plenty of room between yourself and others. You are a traffic cop’s dream. Suddenly, a glance in the rear view mirror alerts you that a car is coming up behind you fast. He hits his brakes about two feet from your bumper and starts tailgating. You feel like you have an auto wedgie. He’s too close. An area smaller than the chance of the Federline kids not becoming alcoholics opens up and the car rushes into the tiny space. A second later, he accelerates and veers back into the right lane, cutting you off, and spilling the drink in your cup holder. You’ve had quite enough. A new area as big as a celebrity rehab waiting list opens up. Using your blinker, you move into the wide open space. You speed up until you are right beside the car. Looking over, you see the driver talking on the phone, eating fast food, and flipping you off. A triple play. Oh, but you have a secret weapon. You have the ability to telekinetically deploy car airbags. You wait until he lifts his burger up for a bite. Then…DEPLOY!
Instantly, the driver’s cell phone shoots through the glass of the back window, smashing on the pavement, and Big Mac Shrapnel is propelled three inches up into each of his nostrils. It will be months before he’ll be able to sneeze without spraying sesame seeds. The offending middle finger is pressed against front side window glass, held there by the airbag and covered in ketchup. As he struggles to brake and pull over, the driver plows through a sign that says “Report Litterers, Call 1-800-44-LITTER”. You write down the number as you pass. His cell phone DID fall out of his car, after all.
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Wouldn’t it be great to be able to deploy airbags at will? You use it to teach rude drivers a lesson. You could use it to scare the crap out of people who are napping in their cars at lunch. Entertain yourself in traffic jams. Make adolescents in driving school wet themselves. Get even with that young cop who gave you a ticket last May even though you were just trying to get home from work and were really excited about the peace rally in Kalamazoo that night, and who actually showed up in court when you tried to contest it the ticket, leaving you $105 poorer. I’m just saying. It’s a useful super power.
babybull40 responds:
Posted: May 10th, 2007 at 6:40 am →
I wish we had those abilities.. deploying airbags as people speed down our street and not stop at the stop sign.. That would be a very valuable power..Great post..
dmarks responds:
Posted: May 10th, 2007 at 9:46 am →
Perhaps you’ve heard of “Mel Farr Superstar”, a Detroit-area auto dealer?
They’ve had problems with deadbeats buying cars and not bothering to make payments, so they put devices into the cars so they can remotely shut off the cars if the person who bought the car is really delinquent.
There is an article about it here:
http://www.payteck.cc/news.html
Note that some of those who had their cars shut off filed a frivolous lawsuit against Farr’s company. Instead of paying the attorneys, why didn’t they just make their car payments? Sheesh.
Andy responds:
Posted: May 10th, 2007 at 10:27 am →
I’d personally prefer a superpower to lock up their brakes, just before the light turns green. then set off the airbag. And I wouldn’t wish a Big Mac up the nose on anyone……now a Taco Bell 7-layer burrito on the other hand, let ‘em snort one of those bad boys.
Rachel responds:
Posted: May 10th, 2007 at 11:05 am →
I would like to have a superpower that makes their car die on the side of the road in conjunction with the ability to scramble their cell phone so that every time they tried to call someone for help that it would connect them with the Home Shopping Network.
Tailgating is a HUGE pet peeve of mine.
When someone gets too close I slow down to the speed limit and when they ride my butt I hit my caution lights for a second so it looks like I am hitting my brakes.
They stop tailgating after that happens a few time. It does increase the sighting of birds though.
deb responds:
Posted: May 10th, 2007 at 8:38 pm →
Hey Rach, do you think maybe God allows you to get tailgated in order to make you slow down to the speed limit? ROFL Just sayin. ROFL I couldn’t help it…sorry…I just thought that was really funny.
Brett responds:
Posted: May 12th, 2007 at 7:47 pm →
i miss u already!! gahh!!
UHUHUHUHUHHH - hah?? caaarll??
Tommy responds:
Posted: May 22nd, 2007 at 1:16 am →
I just giggled my fool butt off for about 5 minutes. Thank you!
GI Joooooooooooe!