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And Most Importantly, Protect Your Blowholes From IEDs

Posted April 15th, 2007 by Playtah

I saw this in a story on CNN.com:

Koa, an Atlantic bottlenose dolphin, will do anything for a fresh fish — including alerting her U.S. Navy handlers to potential terrorists…

…Even in today’s high-tech world of underwater robotics and unmanned vehicles, the Navy says animals like Koa are its best line of defense against attacks from the sea.

“Biologically, they are better than anything we have ever made,” said Mike Rothe, head of science for the Navy’s marine mammal program.

About 75 dolphins and 25 sea lions are in the program. Both species can find mines and swimmers in murky waters. Working in unison, the dolphins are trained to drop a flashing light by the target, while sea lions can attach a tether to it.
From http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/04/12/dolphin.defense.ap/index.html

This is eerily reminiscent of Dr. Evil’s “sharks with lay-zers”, no?  What a strange weapon against terror.  I’m not saying I’m for or against it, it’s just interesting.  Dolphins don’t have very many weaknesses, but the navy should be worried if they pick up any enemy transmission referencing “Operation Tuna Net”. 

I think the biggest thing anti-terror dolphins have going for them is their friendly nature and their cuteness.  I imagine a terrorist attack going something like this:

Terrorist 1: Hussein, we have almost reached the harbor where we will launch the nuclear missile.  Are you ready to fire?
Terrorist 2: Yes, Achmed.  Let me get it in my sights….OK.  Down with the infidels!  Death to Americ - oh look!  A dolphin!
Terrorist 1: Yes! And there is also a sea lion!
Terrorist 2: They are so beautiful.  Perhaps our life of violence DOES go against the nature of peace that seems to exist in this world.  Let us go back to our homes and devote our lives to making peace and helping orphans.
Terrorist 1: You are right.  We shall return home immediately.
Terrorist 2: I’m trying to turn the vessel around, but we seem to have some drag on the propeller.
Terrorist 1: Agh!  That dolphin and sea lion tied a mine to us!  We have been tricked!
Terrorist 2: Although, to the sea lion’s credit, it’s a beautiful knot.
**BOOM**

I also anticipate the navy hearing the same phrase over and over after terrorists are captured: “And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids…and that dolphin.”


5 Responses to: “And Most Importantly, Protect Your Blowholes From IEDs”

  1. dmarks responds:
    Posted: April 15th, 2007 at 12:14 pm

    Am I the only one who remembers that George C Scott movie “Day of the Dolphin” ?

  2. David in DC responds:
    Posted: April 15th, 2007 at 10:54 pm

    I was thinking the same thing.

    Pha loves Pa.

  3. babybull40 responds:
    Posted: April 16th, 2007 at 6:02 am

    Interesting program…. and yet still eerily funny.. can’t help but smirk…

  4. Andy responds:
    Posted: April 16th, 2007 at 12:15 pm

    And in Australia, apparently sea lions have been trained to knock 13 year old girls unconcious. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18132852/

  5. Leigh responds:
    Posted: April 17th, 2007 at 4:16 pm

    We are actually looking at a lot of different ways to fight terrorism that are not electronic. I’m not often in favor of genetic engineering because it provides a very slippery slope between usefulness and the ability to do harm-but-they are working on a genetically engineered flower that will bloom only in a mine field. (or it blooms a certain color-I’m trying to remember the exact detail. I’ll have to go find the article)

    Much as I would hate to see a sea lion or a dolphin die fighting terrorism, I’d rather see that then sons, daughters, fathers, mothers, unclue, aunts, brothers, & sisters. This also seems to fall into that category of could be good or really bad. If we can use dolphins and sea lions to find mines and swimmers, someone else will train them to plant mines and harm swimmers.


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