The Pursuit of Honeyness
By Wendy Playter
Giles Walter Baron was a well-to-do man. He and his wife Lillian lived in an affluent neighborhood, in a large mansion on the edge of a forest. Although his young life had been exciting (due largely to his many vices), his present life was consumed by what seemed a very simple vice: honey.
Giles Walter Baron would often meet with his close friend Richard Hencey to talk and enjoy a bit of honey (whether in a cup of tea, on a dessert, or even alone from a spoon). One evening, the men took a walk into the forest on the edge of the property.
“I must show you something,” said Hencey excitedly. After a few minutes, they were both standing in front of a tree, looking up a the biggest hive Giles W. Baron had ever seen. He struggled up to the branch from which the hive dangled, and extracted some honey with a twig. It was delicious.
Day after day, G. W. Baron and Richard Hencey would walk to the hive and take their fill of honey. And each time, they tried to figure how to extract the honey more easily. On one trip, they moved the hive to a lower branch. On another trip, they situated the hive on it’s side to make the honey flow faster. Their frequent visits to the hive made them more and more careless in regards to the bees, and a few times, Giles W. Baron reached a little too far in, causing some of the bees inside to angrily sting him. He was furious, but kept coming day after day to take the honey, each time agitating the bees a little more.
A few stings here and there didn’t bother him much after a while, but it was an early autumn day that changed his outlook. While walking around his yard, a large swarm of bees descended on him, stinging him harder than he’d thought possible, and sending him running into his house. That evening, he knew what he must do.
“Lillian, first thing tomorrow I’m going to the store for some plastic to cover the house in.”
“Whatever for, Giles?” she asked, surprised.
“Those bees stung me in my own yard! Next they’ll be trying to get into my house!”
“Dear,” she replied, “I think that if you stop bothering them and taking honey from their hive, they might leave you alone.”
“Nonsense!” Giles yelled.
The next day Giles W. Baron bought the plastic and encased his entire house in it. For the first few days, he and Lillian actually felt a little safer, but not long after that, the atmosphere in the house became hot and oppressive.
“Dear, I think perhaps we should remove the plastic,” said Lillian. “It’s terribly uncomfortable. Even our dinner guests have complained. I’m sure as long as you leave the hive alone and our screens are on the windows, we’ll be fine.”
“Nonsense!” Yelled Giles. “Do you think I don’t know how to protect my home and family against bees? No, this is the best way. Those bees will never make it through that plastic. And tomorrow, Hencey and I are going to go hit the hive with sticks, to teach the bees a lesson.”
The next evening, both men came back, covered from head to toe with stings, and looking miserable.
“For heaven’s sake, Giles!” cried Lillian. “Think about this! If you just stop taking the honey and messing with the hive, the bees will leave you alone!”
“Lillian,” cried Giles W. Baron, “I will not be beaten by a hive of bees. Hencey and I are going back tomorrow with more sticks!”
The men went back the next day, true to their word, with more sticks. And they came back with even more stings. The neighbors were starting to take notice of this situation, as the bees started coming into their yards, too. They complained to G. W. Baron, but he simply said,
“Trust me. If Hencey and I use enough sticks on the bees, we’ll break their spirit, and these troubles will stop.”
The neighbors were not convinced.
“Surely if you keep agitating the bees, they will grow more angry, and more determined to sting you! Why don’t you simply leave the hive alone, since it was your interference in it that caused this whole problem?”
Giles sneered. “Nonsense! The trouble started when the bees stung me in my yard. There was no trouble before that.”
The neighbors knew better, and shook their heads.
Day after day, G. W. Baron and Richard Hencey assaulted the hive with more and more sticks, and night after night, they came home with more and more stings. By this time, Lillian refused to stay in the house, choosing instead to stay with friends who would at least open the windows to let in sunshine and air. The neighbors, too, were fed up with the whole situation.
“This has gone on long enough,” they said. “We must compromise. You have one week to finish your business with the bees. After that, you must agree to stop, so that we don’t have to keep suffering from your actions against them.”
“Nonsense!” replied Baron. “You can’t place a time limit on things like this! The bees are unpredictable. Trust me, I have an idea that will succeed!”
“And what is that?” They asked.
Giles W. Baron yelled, “More sticks!”
Eventually, the week passed, then another, then another. More sticks did not help, and it was clear that Giles W. Baron was only angering the bees more and more. The obsession with the hive was having an effect on his sanity and that of Hencey, and their family and neighbors soon grew exasperated. Gradually, the men’s lust for honey and revenge replaced their love for all else.
Alas, Giles W. Baron and Hencey received so many stings during their campaign against the bees that they both succumbed. It was said that Baron’s last words were, “More sticks! Stay the course!”
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Interesting note: to see the etymology of the names used, click on the links:
Giles
Walter
Baron
Lillian
Richard
Rachel responds:
Posted: April 4th, 2007 at 3:27 pm →
Gee… I just CAN’T imagine what you are trying to say with your hitting sticks with bees and the fact that Giles initials are GWB.
LOL..this was fantastic. This could be a lesson taught to kindergartners to understand why GWB belongs in a padded house instead of the White House.
Rachel responds:
Posted: April 4th, 2007 at 3:27 pm →
Oops. I mean to say hitting hives and bees with sticks…
Andy responds:
Posted: April 4th, 2007 at 4:54 pm →
they should have tought to use rocks and smokescreens too, in the front yard, and wrap their neighbors houses too.
Only 656 more days until we get a brand new,showroom shiny, Commander in Chief. How many idiots are already running for that priviledge? How about we leave the bees alone and hit politicians with sticks.
babybull40 responds:
Posted: April 5th, 2007 at 5:06 am →
I like Andy’s idea.. hitting the politicians with sticks..ha ha ha.. I think we ought to do the same here in Canada..but we would use really big sticks…lol
dmarks responds:
Posted: April 5th, 2007 at 8:01 am →
Does this mean I should get one of those Hudson Hornets that consumes honey at 28 miles to the comb?
dmarks responds:
Posted: April 5th, 2007 at 8:35 am →
Also, should we consider conserving and using honey resources much less than we do now, in order to reduce the threat posed by global swarming?
Playtah responds:
Posted: April 5th, 2007 at 9:07 am →
Rachel - Thanks! I hoped it would be amusing and political.
Andy - Ooh! Hitting politicians with sticks! I’m all about that - and this time, “More sticks!” will help.
babybull40 - You could use hockey sticks!
dmarks - I laughed out loud at the global swarming comment!
dmarks responds:
Posted: April 5th, 2007 at 9:25 am →
This post puts the “Bee” in “BP” that’s for sure.
Andy responds:
Posted: April 5th, 2007 at 12:36 pm →
I’ll be cutting down a tree next week, any orders for the large branches?
David in DC responds:
Posted: April 5th, 2007 at 1:45 pm →
Allegory. I love it.
But you left out the part of the story where Baron and Hencey turned Carl Power into a capon and replaced him with Domineezza Price.
Tommy responds:
Posted: April 5th, 2007 at 2:12 pm →
“You know it’s funny….these people, they go to sleep. They think everything’s fine, everything’s good. They wake up the next day and they’re on fire.”
Jay responds:
Posted: April 5th, 2007 at 3:13 pm →
I’ll admit it — I’m missing something. Were we stealing something from the “bees” before the incident in “our yard” that I’m not aware of? Weren’t we just *buying* the “honey”?
(I’m admittedly pretty politically clueless, so this is not a surprise.)
Playtah responds:
Posted: April 5th, 2007 at 4:05 pm →
dmarks - Nice puns!
Andy - For a little extra, could I add fries and pop and make it a meal?
David - I can’t believe I left that out!
Tommy - Yay! “I believe I knew your mother, son.”
Jay - In that circumstance, it would be more Iran than Iraq. There’s an interesting article about a coup in Iran with CIA involvement: http://www.nytimes.com/library/world/mideast/041600iran-cia-index.html
So in the analogy world, perhaps it’s better to say that we put our own queen bee in the hive. I’m sure there’s an epi-pen in here someplace, but I don’t know what that would represent
dmarks responds:
Posted: April 5th, 2007 at 8:03 pm →
Playtah: Float like a butterfly, sting like a… Oh never mind.
Jay responds:
Posted: April 6th, 2007 at 11:51 am →
All right … I’ll just come out and ask it. Is the analogy implying we stirred up the individuals or who they represented that attacked us on 9/11? Have we been committing acts that essentially led to this counteraction by them? How are Iran and the 9/11 perpetrators connected? Or am I wrong that the “bees stung us in our own yard” portion refers to 9/11?
(Again, I’m obviously clueless. It pains me to say it, but there’s no sense in hiding it.)
jaybird responds:
Posted: April 6th, 2007 at 2:53 pm →
To paraphrase those Guinness beer guys–BRILLIANT!!
jaybird responds:
Posted: April 6th, 2007 at 2:56 pm →
ps. jay, if you look at the whole analogy and think of the honey as Middle-eastern oil, I think you will gain a better appreciation for the story…
Playtah responds:
Posted: April 6th, 2007 at 3:30 pm →
dmarks - Ah, yes. The immortal words of Muhamed Abee.
Jay - I’m no expert either, so you’re in good company. jaybird hit it on the head–think of the honey as oil, and think of the hive as the Middle East (not just Iraq, Iran, etc.) I’m basically saying that the impetus for 9/11 was not because terrorists hate our freedoms. That’s what the more hawkish members of government would like us to believe, because it makes us seem like innocent victims (which the civilians certainly were), and makes it look like it is our patriotic duty to fight them. (I’m reminded of the quote by George Bernard Shaw: “When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares it is his duty.”) But it’s not our freedoms that have stirred them up to this level. It’s a combination of things including defiling their holy lands, using their countries for oil, and other related foreign policy injustices. In a nutshell, our years of abusing the Middle East for our economic and political gain is coming home to roost. And while of course nobody would ever say the terrorist attacks were just, we can say that the past actions of our government have not rendered us blameless in the terrorists’ anger. However unfair it may seem, the sins of the fathers have been visited upon the children.
jaybird - Thank you! And you hit the nail on the head.
Jay responds:
Posted: April 6th, 2007 at 4:01 pm →
I’m sure I’m oversimplifying, but do we then think that if we removed ourselves from the Middle East (militarily and otherwise, whatever other presences we might have there) that the “terrorists” (and I put that in quotes because exactly WHO they are is probably rather difficult to pin down) would leave us be? Or would it require us to no longer offer aid to Israel? Do we not offer aid to any other Middle Eastern countries (Saudi Arabia comes to mind)?
I’m truly wondering. What do you (or anyone else who cares to get involved — I’m equal opportunity when it comes to getting informed) feel we need to do to keep them from feeling the need to pull another stunt like 9/11?
Woodsy Al responds:
Posted: April 6th, 2007 at 7:47 pm →
What if we change the name to Oswald Benjamin Logan and his friend Alvin Hawaziri, who not only want the honey from the great community of bees, but want all Queen bees in all hives around the world to wear little bee berkas, because it fits in with their view of how the hives should be. They think that they can accomplish that by taking apart the bee hive a little at a time with hits from sticks. When the bees take it to the house of O.B.L and sting him and Al Hawaziri enough times so that eventually they succumb, at their own house, I think then O.B.L. would be heard saying with his last breath, virgins bees, more virgin bees. 72 to be exact. I don’t know, could happen.
Tommy responds:
Posted: April 7th, 2007 at 3:43 am →
May I have permission to circulate this? I know quite a few others who would LOVE this.
Playtah responds:
Posted: April 8th, 2007 at 12:00 am →
Jay - First of all, to get out of the Iraq mess, I think we need to ask for help. We went to war against Iraq without the support of most nations and the UN, and made a colossal blunder of it, so I think we need to humbly ask for help from other countries and the UN.
In regards to the rest of the Middle East, the principal country we are having a problem with is Iran. Some people think we will be in Iran before Labor Day. The principal worry seems to be their enrichment of uranium, leading to perhaps the capability for a nuclear weapon. I think especially since we are spread so thin in Iraq, we need to let some other nations worry about this for right now. The US isn’t the only nation that has worries about Iran’s nuclear capabilities. And Europe is a lot closer than we are, so if they think it’s something we need to worry about, let them handle it right now. Other nations aren’t stupid–they know when they’re in danger.
Saudi Arabia and especially the Bush family have ties, so we’re not going to have a problem with that.
As far as our support of Israel, that’s a complicated issue. Bin Laden said the reason for 9/11 was “because of injustices against the Lebanese and Palestinians by Israel and the United States.” (See the article at: http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/frontpage/seattle_pima1×220041030.pdf) Perhaps if we see Israel being a little too eager to go to war (as Ehud Olmert seemed to be the last time Israel and the Lebanese had a major clash - but this is just opinion, I could be wrong), we (or another country, since we aren’t exactly peacemakers) can pressure Israel’s government to rethink their actions. Also, perhaps we need to consider the feasibility of an official Palestine. A separate country from Israel, so they can feel like they have a homeland, and hopefully cut down on some of the bitter aggression. I’m just throwing that out. What do you think?
Woodsy Al - We could compromise and have all the queen bees wear burkas, but show a little ankle.
Tommy - Absolutely!
(Body massage!)
Fran responds:
Posted: April 9th, 2007 at 6:53 pm →
For awhile, it seemed much of the neighborhood was with G W Baron and R Hencey, - altho, some always knew the fight for honey was wrong. Then, lies and scandal couldn’t be kept underwraps, and 70% of the neighborhood became angry about “staying the course.” I think the neighborhood wants reason and honesty.
Jay responds:
Posted: April 11th, 2007 at 9:31 am →
Wendy — I’m not too sure what to think about the involvement of other countries; they weren’t too keen on helping when we initially went in there (for whatever reasons), so I’m not too sure how willing they’d be to get involved now.
But with regard to Israel and Palestine, it seems like most everything I’ve read indicates the Palestinians don’t want “their own country” — they want Israel. And they want Israel to go away. Not a lot of room for compromise there. I could be wrong about that, though — again, just from what I’ve read.
Playtah responds:
Posted: April 11th, 2007 at 12:33 pm →
Fran - AMEN. Or as Whitney Houston would say, A to the MEN!
Jay - That’s why we need to ask humbly, as a country that foolishly ignored wise advise and have now gotten ourselves into a mess that we can’t get out of easily. Even now, Bush is stubbornly refusing to sign any bill that would require any type of accountability with war finances or deadlines. It’s time for someone else to handle this whole mess. I honestly just wish that Bush and Cheney would do the world a favor and die quickly of natural causes. Preferably in the next few hours.
The whole Israel/Palestine issue is admittedly extremely complicated. I don’t have any really insightful suggestions…maybe they can have a one-on-one match like David and Goliath. Winner gets the land, and the loser’s head.