10 Things I Hope to Say on TV Someday
…perhaps in an interview, or on a talkshow.
10. “We have nothing to fear but fear itself…and also, ghost pirates.”
9. “I like my men like I like my lava lamps: bright, fun to look at, and good at volleyball.”
8. “Money isn’t the root of all evil. The root of all evil is found underground at the base of the All Evil flower.”
7. “I know people who know people…who make coffee for powerful people.”
6. “Ask not what your country can do for you…ask what you can do to get 20% off your next purchase.”
5. “George Bush doesn’t care about Pod People.”
4. “One of my favorite things in the world is the McDonald’s Playland. Or as I like to call it: the Big Plastic Babysitter.”
3. “I used to think koalas were nice…until I found out that most of them don’t give a darn about people in Darfur.”
2. “When people ask me for an autograph, I give them a chart of Ford’s 2006 earnings. Sometimes it’s awkward, but eventually they learn to specify whether they mean ‘autograph’ or ‘auto graph’. I don’t get asked for either much anymore.”
1. “Give peace a chance. Or I will cut you.”
Rachel responds:
Posted: March 14th, 2007 at 12:11 pm →
#8 was my favorite…LOL
dmarks responds:
Posted: March 14th, 2007 at 1:46 pm →
“5. “George Bush doesn’t care about Pod People.”
I don’t think he would even threaten sanctions even if the Skeksis decided to drain all of the pod people of their life essence. Garthim, attack!
—
The “1. “Give peace a chance. Or I will cut you.” reminds me of a high school friend who had a catch-phrase of “Peace and Retribution”.
dmarks responds:
Posted: March 14th, 2007 at 1:47 pm →
…And you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to sneak an appropriate “Dark Crystal” reference into one of these blog discussion items.
Kyle responds:
Posted: March 14th, 2007 at 3:53 pm →
Oh… the Big Plastic Babysitter took me back. I still remember her showing many years later at my wedding. She took up a whole row, but the kids had fun at the reception.
David in DC responds:
Posted: March 14th, 2007 at 4:01 pm →
Wanna stop conversation at a party where parents of young kids are bemoaning the high cost of a college education?
This sentence works: “We’re just hoping he’ll be really stupid.”
deb responds:
Posted: March 14th, 2007 at 4:56 pm →
I can’t pick a favorite…you CRACK me up!!!! LOL
ANON1 responds:
Posted: March 14th, 2007 at 5:21 pm →
I did not laugh once while reading this. Also, you need to proofread your posts.
yougiveanonymousabadname responds:
Posted: March 14th, 2007 at 10:11 pm →
Yeah, anon1. Nothing matters more on TV than how you spell the jokes you are telling on air.
Playtah responds:
Posted: March 15th, 2007 at 7:42 am →
Rachel - Thanks! I liked it myself!
dmarks - Good point. Oh, and for an added challenge, try to put in a Dark Crystal AND Labyrinth reference!
Kyle - She was later the Maid of Honor at my sister’s wedding. The Best Man wasn’t too thrilled at having to drag her up the aisle, but what can you do.
David in DC - I MUST remember that!!!!
deb - Thanks! I do what I can!
ANON1 - I’m glad you still didn’t laugh - I pride myself on consistency.
yougiveanonymousabadname - I think I love you.
ANON1 responds:
Posted: March 15th, 2007 at 8:09 am →
yougiveanonymousabadname
Very creative…Listen to Bon Jovi much…BETH???
Playtah responds:
Posted: March 15th, 2007 at 8:13 am →
It wasn’t Beth.
So just out of curiosity, ANON1, what kinds of things make you laugh? (Shows, movies, jokes, etc.) How would you describe your sense of humor? Dry, silly, witty, etc.?
Jay responds:
Posted: March 15th, 2007 at 11:07 am →
Wait, wait … Deb — whaddya mean you can’t pick a favorite? Obviously, it’s #9, because SHE DESCRIBED YOUR HUSBAND.
Sheesh.
deb responds:
Posted: March 15th, 2007 at 2:57 pm →
Oh yeah, #9 is my favorite because it describes my husband. Did I fail to mention that? Sorry.
David in DC responds:
Posted: March 15th, 2007 at 3:34 pm →
yougiveanonymousabadname reminds me of one of my favorite Abbie Hoffman quotes. After years on the lam, Abbie finally came in from the cold.
He was asked if other members of the Chicago 7 had lent him any assistance while he hid. He said they all did, in one way or another, except one.
“Jerry Rubin,” declared Hoffman, “gives opportunism a bad name.”
Nutter responds:
Posted: March 15th, 2007 at 5:13 pm →
Thanks Wendy, I needed a laugh today.
I liked #10.
Isn’t the 3rd Pirates due out this summer?
Playtah responds:
Posted: March 16th, 2007 at 8:28 am →
Jay - Good point!
deb - Good save!
David - Heehee.
Nutter - Happy to help out! I hope it’s due out this summer! #10 was one of my favorites, too.
Andy responds:
Posted: March 16th, 2007 at 9:06 am →
Ghost pirates aren’t scary, if you know how to cheat at dice.
And I still have nightmares from cleaning the McDonald’s Playland……NOW THAT”S FRIGHTENING (and who let their kid crawl through it with oil based paints, I still don’t know.)