The Nuts Are Running The Squirrel House

I saw this story on cnn.com. Here is an exerpt:

An animal research center in northern China has appealed to the world for help to fashion an artificial leg for a panda that lost a limb in a fight, local media reported on Thursday.

…”Niu Niu’s spirits have lifted, the wound has healed and her appetite has basically recovered. But without her left paw, her loss of balance has directly affected her love life,” the paper said.

Thanks to some zoo contacts who owed me a favor, I was able to set up a phone interview with Niu Niu and find out how she’s doing. She graciously agreed to answer my questions.

Me: Thank you for agreeing to this phone interview. I know you’re very busy.
Niu Niu: You’re welcome. Actually, I’m not as busy as you’d think. I can’t mate, after all. And I had to quit kickball.
Me: Tell me a little bit about the incident that took your leg.
NN: It’s funny, really. It started with a bunch of us girls just hanging out. I can’t even remember what started the fight. I think it was a discussion of the feasibility of a democratic republic - or even a parliamentary government - in China. While I was optimistic about the possibilities, Xiao Ming - one of the girls - said she could not see that ever happening, and thought that any attempt to bring that kind of government to China would most likely end with us getting run over by tanks. The others chimed in, and pretty soon it was an all-out brawl.
Me: So it escalated pretty quickly.
NN: Yes. Unfortunately, Xiao Ming soon violated the cardinal rule of chick fights: NEVER bite your opponent’s leg off.
Me: So she bit your leg off.
NN: That’s exactly what happened. Luckily, as you know, I was able to receive medical care, so I’m still here to tell the tale.
Me: After you came out of surgery and found that your leg was mostly gone, what were you thinking?
NN: My first thought was, “Wow. My leg is mostly gone.” My second thought was, “This is going to make sex difficult.”
Me: At that time, were you given any options as to what you could do to help lead a normal life?
NN: As you know, there are a lot more options available to pandas these days. Thirty years ago, if a missing leg hurt your mating chances, you’d just get a stepstool and bottle of whiskey and make do. There are a few more options these days because of medical advances.
Me: What were some of the options your doctor suggested?
NN: The first thing he suggested was to put me down. Obviously, that wasn’t my first preference. He then suggested that we could sand my other three legs down, so at least I wouldn’t be tippy. That option sounded better, but then he came up with the idea to get a prosthetic leg.
Me: And obviously, you liked that idea best.
NN: Absolutely.
Me: It sounds like that will take a while, so what are you doing in the meantime?
NN: I have a stack of encyclopedias in my enclosure. If I put my short leg on the stack, it stablizes me.
Me: We do that for our dining table at home.
NN: It’s the next best thing to having a prosthetic.
Me: Are you worried that even with the prosthetic, the male pandas will be put off by the look of it?
NN: Honey, everybody looks the same in the dark.
Me: That’s true. And if all else failes, Paul McCartney doesn’t judge that kind of thing.
NN: That’s what I’m banking on. (Laughs)

This entry was posted on Friday, March 9th, 2007 at 12:11 pm and is filed under Have A Laugh, World Events. You can follow responses to this entry through the Comments RSS Feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your site.