The Nuts Are Running The Squirrel House

Last night I went downtown and waited in line to pass by President Gerald R. Ford’s casket. The time I parked until the time I got back in my car spanned about 4 1/2 hours. Seems like a long time, but after I got back to my apartment the news said that there were 60,000 people in line (at that moment, not total!) and to expect an 8 hour wait. I’m glad I went when I did.

To get to the Gerald R. Ford Museum (where his body lay in repose), I had to go through DeVos place, wait in line, cross the bridge over the Grand River, and then enter the museum on the other side. I brought my notebook with me to chronicle the night with its light and serious sides. Here is my account of the evening:

• 5:30 pm - Parked my car. GREAT parking spot. It’s right across from DeVos Place.
• 5:37 - Got in line outside DeVos place. I can see my breath, but I’m ok for heat right now. I see kids on parents’ shoulders
• 5:45 - Entered DeVos place. There are a LOT of people.
  • We aren’t moving nearly as fast as before.
  • I’m glad I ate a burger before this. I’m gonna be here a while.
  • I’m looking at the line moving way ahead of me…we look like ants, just without tasty morsels.
  • Heard someone talking about the fish ladder. I wondered why they don’t call it a fish “ramp”. It looks more rampy than laddery.
• 6:00 - Rounded the FIRST corner in the large room of DeVos place.
  • I see a man who had some sort of major burn trauma to his face. Maybe from war? His age would probably put him about the Korean or Vietnam war era. He’s nicely dressed.
• 6:02 - Surge of walking. This might not take as long as I thought. There are so many different people here: Boyscouts, vets, young, old, black, white.

• 6:05 - I see a guy that looks like the lovechild of Bono and Leonardo DiCaprio. I will call him BonCaprio.
  • Some kids play and run around in part of the room that’s not being used by the winding line.
  • A girl stops right in front of me. Ack! Personal space alert! Maybe she couldn’t see me. I give a territorial cough.
  • I notice that BonCaprio is short and stout. Like a little teapot.
  • Hot guy alert! And he’s wearing fitted pants.
  • I see some navymen. Geesh, I love men in uniform.
• 6:15 - I’ve actually come quite a long way in a relatively short time.
  • A lady over the loudspeaker tells us to move forward as far as we can. Bye-bye, personal space.
  • An older guy behind me says this is one of those times he wishes he were 8 inches taller. I turn around and say, “Believe me, it’s hard to find pants.” I smile. We laugh.
• 6:19 - Closer quarters now. Cattle time.
• 6:28 - I am now behind the gentleman who wishes he was 8 inches taller. How’d that happen?
• 6:30 - There are thin metal railings on both sides of the line, herding us around turns and keeping us in some semblance of order. Each segment is approx. 8-10 feet long. Apparently one of them isn’t fastened securely to the post–it falls. At least it’s something to break the monotony.
• 6:33 - A guy asks me when we got in line. I check my notes and tell him 5:45. Oh, I’m good.
• 6:34 - I see scout troop 304.
  • It would be cool to have a Disney World Fast Pass.
  • I can’t see it, but I hear the railing fall again.
• 6:37 - I imagine what it would be like if I got to the museum, and two angels were there saying, “Gerald Ford isn’t here, he is risen!”
  • I decide that if by some miracle that does happen, I’m going to punch the angels. They could have at least told us we didn’t have to wait in line anymore.
• 6:41 - I see a little girl with a Scooby-Doo doll. I’ve been in line for 1 hour, which is 2 Scooby-Doo shows.
• 6:43 - A little girl on her dad’s shoulders says, “Look how big I am!” Yeah, kid, good luck finding pants.
• 6:44 - Outburst of clapping. Don’t know why. Guy behind me says, “Probably a streaker.” Note to self, in case I get bored.
• 6:50 - I see a guy with a t-shirt inspired by “Anchorman”. It says, “I’m kind of a big deal.”
• 6:54 - Railing falls again.
  • People start clapping. I don’t know why. Still holding out hope for a streaker. Maybe I can convince Hot Fitted Pants Guy to streak. He and BonCaprio are almost even with me in the line.
• 6:57 - Railing falls again. It’s not tied down, people!
• 6:59 - I see a boy whose face reminds me of Liza Minnelli.
  • Railing falls again.
• 7:01 - Talked with people in line about taking a collection to get a hot, bored guy to streak. So far, no monetary commitments.
• 7:05 - Met a lady from Cadillac. She’s actually the sister of a guy from our church whose son was killed while patroling the border of the Southern US. Small world.
• 7:17 - I see a guy in shades and a fur coat ahead of me. Maybe he’s a pimp. I wonder how many fake hamsters it took to make his coat.
• 7:24 - I’m gaining a new appreciation for beef. Any animal who stands in herd-like conditions like these just to become my steak is OK in my book. And stomach.
• 7:25 - I offer a lady farther ahead of me $5 if I can call her “mom” and come stand by her.
• 7:26 - How the heck did BonCaprio get so far ahead of me?!
• 7:30 - I see the Liza Minnelli kid again. I want to stare at his face. It’s beautiful.
• 7:36 - Railing falls again.
• 7:44 - A woman faints. It is getting pretty hot.
• 7:45 - Some people sing “America the Beautiful.”
• 7:50 - Railing falls again.
• 7:56 - Some older ladies try to merge into a fast part of the line. I helpfully remind them, “Keep your shoulders down; eye on the prize.”
• 8:01 - Guess what the railing did?
• 8:02 - Ok, I’m done with the railing.
• 8:06 - Apparently I’m not in a pocket of people with a sense of humor. We’re standing close together and I say, “Oh sure, the one day I don’t slather myself in butter, and we get stuck in a crowd like this!” I just get looks.
• 8:15 - I wonder if this is what an abattoir is like…all these people just waiting to go through those doors…
• 8:16 - A man says he remembers me from the Vet’s Parade–he thinks he saw me going around asking questions (like a reporter). I tell him it wasn’t me, but whoever he is thinking of was obviously intelligent and good-looking.
• 8:20 - Someone experienced flatulence and left behind a souvenir cloud that I just walked through. I suppose I should have expected it. With a crowd this size, it was only a matter of time.
  • A lady commented that this was like Marti Gras. I say, “Did you see beads? If there’s beads, my shirt’s coming off.”
• 8:26 - I comment that this is kind of like Woodstock without the drugs. Or music. Or drugs.
• 8:30 - Some kid got separated from his dad. I say, “I think at this point, if you lose your kid, it’s easier to just make a new one.”
• 8:44 - I’m hot. I tell an event worker that I wouldn’t say “No” to a strip search.
• 8:58 - I sign the guest book.
• 9:00 - I walk outside to cross the river and go to the museum. It’s nice to hear the river.
• There are a lot of satellite trucks parked along a parallel bridge.
• 9:07 - Lights illuminate a huge U.S. flag at half-staff outside the museum.
• 9:23 - I enter the museum. There is a reverential quiet.
• 9:24 - 5 soldiers are in line ahead of me–4 male, 1 female. They stand in a straight line and salute the casket.
• 9:25 - I pass in front of the casket of President Gerald R. Ford. There are 5 guards.
• 9:29 - I walk down the museum driveway. There are flags lining both sides.
• 9:30 - At the end of the driveway, I stop in front of the museum sign which has become a makeshift memorial. There are candles, U of M memorabilia, a football, teddy bears, flags, flowers, and signs. One sign says:

“Thank you
Mr. President.
Honesty is still
the best policy.”

Good night, Mr. President.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 3rd, 2007 at 9:46 am and is filed under General. You can follow responses to this entry through the Comments RSS Feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your site.