The Nuts Are Running The Squirrel House

1.  Even though the Rhinoceros has a horn and thick hide, I bet sometimes he cries inside.

2.   When the deer looks at me with those wide eyes as if begging me not to shoot it, I think to myself It’s not my fault you’re helpless and taste delicious with a dry rub.

3.   If I was a whale, I’d swim in really shallow water near the rowboats.  Then when someone made a joke about my blowhole, I’d flip his boat over with my tail.

4.   I’d carry a knife if I were a platypus.  Sure, laugh at me because I lay eggs and have a duckbill.  I’ll cut you.

5.   I think the worst part about being a skunk is not that you smell bad, but that you get used to it.  You know how you get used to your own unique fragrance until you come home at night and your house has that familiar smell?  I bet it’s that way with skunks.  They come home at night and walk in the door and think, Oh, that’s right.  I smell like butt.

6.   If I was a tiny turtle, I’d paint my shell exactly like a quarter.  Then I’d sit by a pop machine and see how many people try to pick me up.

7.   I think the scary thing about being a newt in WizardLand is that so many magical spells require eye of newt.  That’s you.

8.   What causes the most amount of fieldmouse deaths?  Owls or cats, right?  Wrong.  Tail cancer.

9.   Some people would probably say that the bottle-nosed dolphin would be the animal most likely to be an alcoholic, because of the name.  I disagree.  I think it’s the chinchilla.  They have a rough life, and very few actually get to follow their dreams.  Go ahead, little friend.  Dull the pain.

10.  If I were a cheetah and someone laughed at me because “cheetah” sounds like “cheat-a”, I’d laugh too.  But not because of that.  It’s because I just took their wallet.

This entry was posted on Monday, October 9th, 2006 at 11:59 am and is filed under Have A Laugh, Playtah's Profundity. You can follow responses to this entry through the Comments RSS Feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your site.