Back On The Market, With A New Super Power
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Of course, hell had no fury like my temper to begin with, so when I am also the woman scorned, hell looks like a refreshingly air-conditioned day spa.
After two hours of driving, a wasted Friday night and a lovely Taco Bell dinner–paid for and attended by me only–I say bah. Plain and simple. Bah.
The night was not a TOTAL waste, however, as I realized that I possess a power much greater than I realized. I shall never be cold, because I found out that I can set things on fire by swearing at them. Oh, yes. If I say, “waffle,” “mitten,” or even “tree bark” to a common table lamp…nothing. But if I concentrate my anger into a barrage of sonically grating, not-safe-for-children, have-to-ask-for-forgiveness-later words, the very intensity of my verbal fury causes the atoms of said table lamp to become unstable, spontaneously combusting within seconds. (After 6 table lamps and a burned hand, I realized that I only have power to make fire, not to put it out. The problem escalated after the first table lamp–I realized I couldn’t put it out, and began to swear…)
Admittedly, this is not much of a super power. Not even a desirable super power. But it’s what I have, and I suppose it will come in handy if guests are over and I run out of matches in the bathroom.
Gracie responds:
Posted: October 1st, 2006 at 3:58 pm →
“The problem escalated after the first table lamp–I realized I couldn’t put it out, and began to swear…)”
That sounds like the sorcerer’s apprentice thing…..
But who put you in such a state? Names, I want names. I have some crotch kicking to do on your behalf.
Brett responds:
Posted: October 1st, 2006 at 5:43 pm →
If it was me, I can kick myself
just KICK…..KICK…..KICK myself….
Faith - FR responds:
Posted: October 2nd, 2006 at 7:39 am →
are you a “smallville” fan? because this reminds of the one episode where the high school football coach had the same kind of superpower you’re talking about. very scary! I hope you’re able to get that under control. the coach wasn’t so lucky…he met a smoky demise in the locker room. my lovely FR, so wonderful to see you yesterday! love you bunches! ~ yours, FR.
ps. remember “white knuckles” (or maybe it should be red knuckles), you know where to find me!