The Nuts Are Running The Squirrel House

You may have observed over the years that those who should not be breeding are breeding the most.  People who can barely support their crack habit have 15 kids.  Those who fall between “potato” and “shiny rock” on the IQ scale have 20 kids.  What’s worse is that the smart ones are having 1, 2, or no kids.  Although smart people having fewer kids might help the overpopulation issue, we’ve got a new issue: intelligence ratio. The dumb ones will soon outnumber the smart ones even more so than now.

Can we avert eventual outnumbering and rule by the dumb?  Let’s look at the facts.  We know that dumb people are not going to stop breeding.  Dumb people get hit by cars and electrocuted by licking exposed wiring–having a lot of kids is the only way to ensure the survival of the species.  Should smart people retaliate and have just as many kids?  That wouldn’t really help–if smart people start having a lot of kids, the overpopulation issue gets more serious, and too much time is spent at soccer games instead of in the lab, curing cancer.  (Or the strange diseases dumb people get while breeding.)  So what’s going to happen?  It looks like we’re on a fast track to a world of dumb-ocracy.

Or are we?

There might be hope.  When I was little, Dad took my sister and I to get 2 pet gerbils.  He told the pet store worker that we wanted either 2 males, or 2 females.  The worker flipped 2 gerbils over and said, “These look the same”. 

A few months later when we had baby gerbils running around, we concluded that the pet store worker was not “smart people”.  (I further concluded that the pet store worker would never be on Jeopardy, and indeed would probably die alone by accidently closing himself in an empty refrigerator after squirrel hunting.)  We gave some of the gerbils away.  Were the remaining ones intimidated?  No, they just threw on another Barry White record and continued making sweet, sweet gerbil love.  At one point, we had 14 in the cage.  By this time, however, they were so inbred that they started eating each other, and listening to country.  The gerbil population eventually dwindled, and soon there were no more.

My point is, don’t be alarmed if there is a sharp spike in cannibalism among dumb people.  It’s nature’s way of restoring the natural balance so that the human race doesn’t exterminate itself through a rash of wire-licking incidents.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 6th, 2006 at 1:06 am and is filed under General. You can follow responses to this entry through the Comments RSS Feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your site.