Snakes on an Ark
Who is the most evil person in history? You’re probably thinking Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Saddam, or maybe the creator of reality dating shows. But you’re wrong. It’s Noah.
Yes, Noah. Let me explain.
Noah and his family were on the ark for over a year with at least 2 of every kind of animal. If Noah had been a good person, his schedule for the first week would have been something like this:
Monday–Feed the animals
Tuesday–Find the mosquitos. Kill the mosquitos.
Wednesday–Find the spiders. Kill the spiders. Especially the tarantulas.
Thursday–Muck out stalls.
Friday–Pick up dry cleaning. Just kidding. Kill the alligators.
Saturday–Find the scorpions, houseflies, centipedes, and millipedes. Feed them to the snakes. Kill the snakes.
Sunday–Rest, and think up excuses for “random” animal deaths. TiVo “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”.
But nooooooo, he had to take care of ALL of the animals. And now we need citronella candles, Raid, and Steve Irwin. Crikey, Noah.
Bramlee responds:
Posted: August 29th, 2006 at 5:14 pm →
No, I think one of his sons hid these foul creatures in the life-raft. You know the one….he always had a frog in is overalls or a jar of insects! Well all that to say I do not think Noah is all to blame for all the evil, no just guilty of spawning a weirdo!
Gracie responds:
Posted: August 29th, 2006 at 7:20 pm →
You know….Grizzy played one of Noah’s sons a few years back…and in that play there was a bird called a gitka that perished because there was only one and so it couldn’t go on the ark. It was supposed to be the sweetest of singers.
But they found ROOM for the ickies, so we still have cockroaches and spiders and stupid presidents….that is just SICK and WRONG!
Rachel responds:
Posted: August 29th, 2006 at 8:30 pm →
What can I say? You said it all.
Russell-P responds:
Posted: August 30th, 2006 at 2:47 pm →
Hahaha now that’s pretty funny except for the fact that I like Steve Irwin. Something about that guy that makes me glad he is not my dad.
Playtah responds:
Posted: August 31st, 2006 at 9:07 am →
Bramlee–Hmm…good point. Bonus points for you for using the word “spawning”
Gracie–What was the name of the play? I’d trade the bird for the President…
Rachel–I usually say it all…and more.
Russell-P–I actually like Steve Irwin, too. At first I thought he was acting with his expressions and energy, but then I realized, he’s not acting–that’s who he is. And that is cool.