Shades of Bah
Have you ever gotten tired of losing arguments? Ever been lost for words in an awkward situation? Ever want to express your superiority efficiently? Well, if so, this could be just the thing for you: Bah.
Commonly used by Dogbert (of Dilbert fame), “bah” is one of the most versatile and useful words in the English language. Consider the wonderful utility of this word in the following examples.
Example 1:
(Location: Jim’s driveway)
Jim: I just bought a Lexus.
Henry: A Lexus is just an overpriced Toyota.
Jim: Bah.
Henry: *Silence*….*leaves*.
In the above example, “bah” means “I reject your silly argument and anticipate mocking you because of the Ford minivan in your own driveway. Now leave my presence.” Notice also that Henry has nothing with which to fight back. Notice that Henry left. Not only does “bah” = great response, it also gets results.
Example 2:
(Location: Office)
Sue: My daughter is selling candybars. Would you like to buy one? It’s to raise money to stop Pluto from being removed from the list of recognized planets.
Scott: Bah.
Sue: Uh, ok. *Leaves*
In this example, “bah” means “I didn’t know you had a daughter; I always thought that was your dog. Maybe you should start selling candy bars to pay for the future therapy she will need. Besides, anyone knows Pluto could kick Neptune’s butt in a fair fight. Now leave my presence.” Notice, again, the results.
Example 3:
(Location: Sam’s house)
Sam: I have a rash on my leg.
Louie: Bah.
Sam: *Scratches*…*Leaves*
In example 3, “bah” means “You have a rash because your values are misplaced, and you enjoy intimacy with women whose medical records you have not seen. Now leave my presence.”
Notice that in this example, Sam leaves HIS OWN HOUSE. Behold, the power of bah.
Example 4:
(Location: Bob’s front yard)
Bob: Stop eating the grass in my yard.
Sheep: Baa.
Bob: Bah.
Sheep: Baa.
Bob: Bah.
Sheep: Baa.
Bob: Bah.
Sheep: *Leaves*
This is a complex scenario, as we are dealing with “bah” and “baa”. Let’s take this one at a time:
Baa #1= “I am not eating your grass, I’m looking for my contact lens.”
Bah #1= “That is a silly argument. Get your wool-covered tail cushion off my lawn.”
Baa #2= “I’m not leaving without my contact lens.”
Bah #2= “Did you not hear me say ‘bah’?”
Baa #3= “I too have the power of ‘baa’. We are at an impasse.”
Bah #3= “My ‘bah’ has an ‘h’ in it. ‘H’ trumps ‘a’. And I have a rifle. Now leave my presence.”
Victory and results. Who could want anything more?
(If you do find anyone who does want anything more, tell them “bah”.)
minijonb responds:
Posted: August 24th, 2006 at 11:19 am →
sooo… when someone from Boston says, “I’m gunna park da Cah an den goto da Bah” are they trying to win an argument with you???
= ; - )
Deb responds:
Posted: August 24th, 2006 at 3:41 pm →
I feel as if my conversational powers have just been greatly increased with this small yet amazingly useful word.
MBramlee responds:
Posted: August 24th, 2006 at 4:53 pm →
This is great…but imagine the (if you can!) the power of “PIFF”!
Is there anything better…I summit there is not!
*not this should be read with a slit yell and with an accent that resembles Strong Bad.
Faith - FR responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2006 at 8:03 am →
this was a great way to start my Friday (cuz that’s when i read it)…thanks FR! I shall file it in my word-toolbelt for future use
Example #3 reminds me of something Dwight would say…are you a scriptwriter for The Office?
we need to get together to chat and play Catan!
do you still have my mobile#?