The Nuts Are Running The Squirrel House

Throw away your heathen Hersheys and your non-believing Nestles because the Virgin Mary has made her debut appearing in the form of dark chocolate.  Story and picture here.

As if chocolate weren’t already delicious and wonderful enough, it has now been endorsed by Jesus’ mother.  As a sign from God, really, what could be better?  You’ve got the Virgin Mary to lift your spirits, and dark chocolate to lift your flavinoid levels.  I have to wonder, though, why the Virgin Mary?  If I was looking for a sign from God, why not Jesus?  I mean, if someone asked me for a sign, I wouldn’t send them a picture of my Uncle Joe made with broccoli.  I’d send them a picture of me.  And probably not in broccoli.  I have to think that maybe something went wrong when carrying out the sign:

Gabriel:  Jesus, we’ve got a request for an appearance on earth. 
Jesus: Right now?
Gabriel: Yeah.
Jesus: I can’t–I’m the fourth for golf with Bob Hope, John Paul II, and Frank Sinatra.
Gabriel: Sinatra made it to Heaven?
Jesus: Long story.  Look, see if one of the Apostles is free.

(Gabriel finds the apostles.)
Gabriel: Can any of you guys make an appearance on earth?
Thaddeus: Count me out.  After that whole tortilla fiasco, I’m done.
Gabriel: Thomas?
Thomas: Why can’t Jesus do it?
Gabriel: He’s golfing with Sinatra.
Thomas: Wow, Sinatra made it here?  How’d that happen?
Gabriel: Long story.  Can anybody here make an appearance?
Peter: I’ve got gate duty, and everyone else is over at Martin Luther’s for Texas Hold ‘Em.
Gabriel: Ok. 

(Gabriel goes back to Jesus.)
Gabriel: Lord, everybody’s busy.
Jesus:  Oh, that’s right.  It’s Texas Hold ‘Em night over at Martin Luther’s.  I love that guy.  “Saved by grace, but $20 to buy in.”  He cracks me up.
Gabriel: What do I do?  Someone needs to appear on earth.
Jesus: Ask my mother.  I’m sure she’d be happy to help.

(Gabriel finds the Virgin Mary.)
Gabriel: Mary, I have a favor to ask you.  Jesus was supposed to make an appearance on Earth, but…
Mary:  You know, He never calls.
Gabriel: What?
Mary: He never calls his mother.  We’re both here in Heaven.  You’d think he could call or stop by once in a while.
Gabriel: Um, yes.  Well, he needs you to make an appearance on Earth.
Mary: On Earth?  Oy, vey.  That’s an awful long way.  And I’ve got this cough.  He’d know that if he visited his mother once in a while!  Besides, what’s so important that he can’t make the appearance?
Gabriel: Golfing with Sinatra.
Mary: I didn’t know Sinatra made it here!  Good for him.  He’s a mensch, that one.  All right, I’ll make the appearance.  Is it another tortilla?
Gabriel: Actually, it’s dark chocolate this time.
Mary: Dark chocolate?  Like I need more candy.  Look at me.  I don’t need candy.  Jesus would know that if He’d visit His poor mother once in a while.  You raise them, you care for them, then they ascend and you never hear from them anymore.  Oy.
Gabriel: Thank you so much.  I’ll tell Jesus that you’ve graciously agreed to make the appearance.
Mary: Tell Jesus to visit his mother.  What, my walls are the only ones He can’t walk through? 
 

I’m pretty sure that’s how it happened.

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 20th, 2006 at 12:13 am and is filed under Have A Laugh. You can follow responses to this entry through the Comments RSS Feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your site.