Fruitstock 2006
Well, it happened again.
An apparent fruit fly orgy once again produced an epic plague in my apartment. Spraying poisonous fumes in poorly ventilated areas with little regard for my own air quality, I bravely fought off large numbers of them, making their lifeless bodies a warning to others that would dare procreate in my place of residence. With each fruit fly that dropped, the message grew stronger: This giant human will no longer tolerate a swarm of reproduction-focused insects to turn her abode into a house of ill repute. No, no. Not on her watch.
I terminated most of them with my vapors of justice. However, there are still a few holding out, and I wonder…are they the survivors, or are they the scouts for the next swarm?
Either way, it’s clear that I must do something differently if I am to avoid experiences like these. I could just put all my fruit in the refrigerator. That would be the easy route. But who likes easy? (Well, actually, I do like the easy route most times. But I digress.)
No, instead of fighting the fruit flies after they breed, perhaps I need a more proactive strategy, nay, a PSYCHOLOGICAL strategy. I need to get in their heads to find what they fear most, and then USE IT AGAINST THEM! **Evil laugh** Bwahahaha! And what could incite more fear than finding out that you are not the predator, but the prey. **Another evil laugh, with just a twist of maniacal snorting**
The fruits I buy the most often are strawberries and mangoes. My plan is to dress up as a giant mango (no, not this Mango) or strawberry (on alternating days according to a schedule that is yet to be defined) and as the said mango or strawberry, I will turn the tables and prey on them. I will smash them. I will terrorize them. I will put tiny shoe bombs in their tiny bus terminals. Once I have instilled an unspeakable fear of strawberries and mangoes in them, I will then be free to leave my strawberries and mangoes on the counter. The fruit flies will associate their bad experience with the fruit on the counter, and will not come near it; hence, they will not have anything to eat; hence, no energy to procreate; HENCE, no more fruitflies; H*E*N*C*E, victory, and an alarming overuse of the word “hence”.
Deb responds:
Posted: July 17th, 2006 at 5:59 pm →
I think you may want to confess and repent of this need to dress up as giant animals and fruits! ROFL Course, it could give your therapist a run for her money! ROFL
Rachel responds:
Posted: July 17th, 2006 at 9:48 pm →
Kill those pesky little buggers. Ever seen the movie A Bug’s Life? Maybe you can put on a play for the fruit flies like the ants did showing them how they will be utterly defeated with a pictorial and mime.
Nutter responds:
Posted: July 18th, 2006 at 10:46 am →
My Mom had trouble with fruit flies once. She found out that putting your fruit in ziploc bags works. You can leave it out . . . without the fear of breading a new civilization in your kitchen.
minijonb responds:
Posted: July 18th, 2006 at 6:18 pm →
actually, i’d like to see you dress up like the Chris Kattan Mango
that would be something = : - )
Katie responds:
Posted: July 31st, 2006 at 5:17 pm →
That might work, if it hadn’t been proven that fruit flies have no long term memory. Unfortunately, as they all resemble Dory (Finding Nemo) in intelligence, they will forget about the terrible fruit almost instantly, thereby ruining your plan. Sorry.
