To Infinity Plus One
The closing of a call I took this week:
Me: You have a great day.
Customer: You have a better one.
Have you ever been to a party where you gave someone a gift……..a book perhaps, and then someone else gives them a book, but it’s plated in 24k gold? No? Well, it’s just an analogy. I offered a humble great day greeting, and the guy totally one-upped me! He threw a comparative at me, and I didn’t think fast enough to throw a superlative back: “You have the BEST day!” Maybe if I would have, the conversation would have progressed:
“You have a great day.”
“You have a better one.”
“You have the best one.”
“I hope your night is good, too.”
“I hope your night is better, and that you sleep soundly.”
“I hope you wake up rested and refreshed.”
“I hope you wake up rested and refreshed, and that you make the best coffee ever.”
“I hope that your newspaper is thrown right on your porch.”
“I hope that your newspaper is thrown on your porch, close enough to the door to where you don’t have to step out on the cold cement.”
“I hope you get to work on time.”
“I hope you get a promotion.”
“I hope you have good food for lunch.”
“I hope the boss invites you to lunch.”
“I hope you win the lottery.”
“I hope you find a cure for cancer.”
“I hope a giant chunk of gold is anonymously given to you.”
“I hope you get the Congressional Medal of Honor.”
“I hope you get to guest star on CSI.”
“I hope you find out that you’re related to Tom Hanks.”
“I hope you become bulletproof.”
“I hope you become President of the world.”
“I hope that everything you point at becomes chocolate.”
“I hope your troubles melt like lemon drops.”
“Way up above the chimney tops?”
“Yeah.”
“I hope your chimney is cleaned for free.”
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Stop one-upping me!”
“I hope you never get one-upped again.”
“I hope you hear this.” *Click*
Of course, I never got to continue the conversation, so I lost that round of one-upping. But don’t worry. I will win. I’m sending him flowers.
Deb responds:
Posted: May 13th, 2006 at 8:36 am →
I hope you know this was a hilarious post.
Jan responds:
Posted: May 13th, 2006 at 10:56 am →
I laughed, and laughed. Wendy, how do you come up with all this? I especially liked the - - I hope you guest star on CSI. I wasn’t sure you could one-up that. But you did. Thanks for the laughs.
Rachel responds:
Posted: May 15th, 2006 at 9:50 am →
This was pretty funny. Next time try it with words that don’t exist like absosmufly and fantabulous. I can’t wait to see how far you can take that one.
I hope that you can fly and find an invisibility cloak.
kYLE responds:
Posted: May 15th, 2006 at 2:48 pm →
~On your voicemail after you hung up on him~ - “I hope whenever you get angry and hang up your phone that a small fuzzy kitten, juggling 3 tiny mice that are also juggling they’re own tiny bits of cheese while they are being juggled by the kitten, will appear on your desk to cheer you up.
Lee (Bathustler from Myspace) responds:
Posted: May 17th, 2006 at 1:33 am →
How about damage control well wishing?
I hope if you stub your toe that it only hurts for a minute or less.
I hope that if you lose money it’s only like 2 dollars or even better, just some change.
Or something frightening but sincere like:
I hope that if there is a nuclear war that your face is melted of your skull quickly and painlessly?
Or how about a combo of that and wanting to commiserate by subjecting one’s self to the same circumstance:
I hope that if you ever get the flesh eating disease that I get it too and it’s close to Halloween and we at least get to go out as zombies to a party or something.
Anyway, you get the idea. I love your effin’ blogs by the way. You write well and without all the filth and cussing that I rely so heavily upon. It must have something to do with my goal of confusing and/or offending the entire free world. Keep it up! Lee