Ants, Part 2
No, I’m not obsessed with ants. But, as this is the beginning of ant season, we are given many opportunities to ponder their mysterious world. An ant was crawling across my ceiling the other day. As I watched it, I started wondering–do ants ever FALL OFF the ceiling? Yes, they have six legs, and the likelihood of all six losing their grip at the same time is improbable, but you can’t tell me that with all the trillions and trillions of ants down through history, not ONE ANT has ever plummeted to its death. You can’t tell me that there’s never been a group of ants that got drunk and dared each other to walk the ceiling, or one ant that took Ambien and became disoriented, accidently ending its life with a free-fall into eternity.
However, though logic tells me that there HAS to have been an instance of this, I have never seen an ant fall. I have never seen a tiny ant corpse in the middle of the floor (unless it was stepped on or poisoned from a trap). I have never been woken up in the middle of the night by a tiny “Oh, craaaaaaaaaaap!”
There has to be a reason for this–why no falling-ant evidence? I offer you the following:
1. They are so hardy that a gigantic fall like that wouldn’t kill them
2. Tiny parachutes
3. Secret undercover ant operatives that, for PR purposes, immediately dispose of any body or evidence relating to a ceiling-to-floor death
4. Ants can fly, but just haven’t told anyone
5. The very Hand of God catches falling ants midair
6. Ants only fall onto soft things
7. I haven’t been looking hard enough for ant bodies
Have you ever seen evidence of an ant death caused by a fall? Has an ant ever fallen on you? Your answers can help the next generation of ant scientists solve this mystery.
Rachel responds:
Posted: May 9th, 2006 at 1:41 pm →
I don’t typically observe ants on a regular basis. The only time that I actually pay attention is if they are in my house or on food outside but I do have a few thoughts.
If ants are so strong that they can carry 10 times their body weight I would assume that they are easily able to catch themselves on the way down from a fall and not get injured. Since they are so small they wouldn’t hit with the force of something larger which in turn makes it more likely that they will survive the fall.
Ants are relatively smart bugs. They know to store food for the winter, they know how to live in bug harmony with fellow ants since we haven’t seen or heard of an ant divorce court or a small claims court suing another ant for back rent.
Ants are fantastic engineers and should have been hired to design mines to prevent collape . Plus, if they get buried alive they are able to dig themselves out.
Dang…maybe I can be an ant in my next lifetime.
kYLE responds:
Posted: May 9th, 2006 at 2:14 pm →
Oh, how you would love working in my new office. Since my first day last week, my office window sill is completely full of tiny ant corpses. There was a hole on the outside of the building where they enter and the maintenance man sealed up that hole. So, the ants only had one route to escape…my window. So, then they sprayed my window sill with any poison. Now, all the ants that decide to escape their entrapment in the wall, must crawl out to the freedom of my window sill, only to come in contact with a substance that is lethal to them. So, each morning I vacuum up a couple hundred more…then during the day, I see them gradually find their way out of the wall to run with glee on my window sill, only to perish within an hour or so. Occasionally, one will make it down to my desk and find brief refuge on my notepad. Of course, a quick flick of my pen is necessary at times. How many can possibly be remaining in my wall? There is no hope.
Jay responds:
Posted: May 9th, 2006 at 4:17 pm →
While I’m relatively certain that answer #1 is the truth you seek, I found the others to be far more amusing and interesting.
Ah well. The truth is sometimes dull.
Deb responds:
Posted: May 9th, 2006 at 8:57 pm →
Reading this post made me feel itchy.
Jan responds:
Posted: May 10th, 2006 at 9:13 am →
If an ant falls from the ceiling, and no one is there, does anyone hear it . . . or see it? This may be one of those questions that will forever confound mankind. A question that will have philosphy classes discussing semester after semester, with no actual answer available. A question that will be the theme for someones master’s thesis, and will help them gain their PhD in human/animal interpersonal relationships. Ah, and to think that we were here to hear you utter that soon to be famous question. Thanks for sharing.
Lee (Bathustler from Myspace) responds:
Posted: May 17th, 2006 at 1:47 am →
No ant has ever fallen. Here’s why:
Strong parenting in a nurturing ant hill environment renders peer pressure completely useless on them. Even if one ant is brazen and immature enough to offer up a foolish dare to another ant, say for example, walking across a section of the ceiling that has a light coating of butter or margarine on it, the ant being taunted would simply cling to his or her core values and superior work ethic to stay focused on the task at hand. In addition to that, ants are extremely strong. We have all seen one dragging half a candy bar around like it’s a laptop. This tremendous strength helps them “grip the shit” out of any ceiling or wall they happen to traverse. Last but by no means, luck plays a huge role in ant survival. Ants posess such uncanny luck that they are not welcome in any casino in America and have actually been banned by the gaming commission.
I hope this clears up a few things for you.
Lee