The Nuts Are Running The Squirrel House

Have you ever lived through this scenario?

 
-Talented person does something talented.

-You complement talented person.

-Talented person thanks you and remarks that anyone can do it.

-When you get home, you try to do what talented person did.

-You fail miserably.

 
This could apply to a number of scenarios, but it applies perfectly to dancing*.  “Anyone can do it” is only one of a number of myths about dancing that have been perpetuated by the select people who already can dance.

 
*In this case, “dancing” refers to movements recognizable by others as socially acceptable, rhythmic and intentional.  Stepping on a slippery spot and flailing across the room to the music of Maroon 5 does not count.

 
Dancing myth #1: Anyone can do it.
 
Some think that the ability to dance is ingrained into every human.  You have only to awaken your inner rhythm, and the ability to dance will follow like the tail of a brilliant comet. 

 
Lies! 

 
The ability to breathe is ingrained into every human.  The ability to grow your own teeth is ingrained into every human.  The ability to dance is sprinkled lightly like a hesitant rain on the hillside.  Go to any place with a dance floor and you will see the poor man dancing with his wife by moving his arms and rocking from one foot to the other.  Notice that he can breathe.  Notice that he has teeth.  Notice that he cannot dance. 

 
The prosecution rests.

 
Dancing myth #2: All you have to do is move your body to the beat.
 
Oh, if only this were true!  If only it were so simple! If only movement plus beat equaled dancing!  I have a decent sense of rhythm.  I can move to the beat.  The key is that I can’t move in a socially accepted manner to the beat.  Here are some comments you would hear near me if you saw me dance:

 
“Wow.  That’s pathetic.”
“She’s not even moving her hips.”
“Is she ok?”
“Should we do something? I think she’s having a seizure.”

 
Dancing is much like eating.  If you eat with a fork, you can neatly and inoffensively consume nourishment.  If you don’t have a fork, you can consume nourishment, but it’s not going to be pretty, and there is going to be negative aftermath. 

 
I don’t have a fork.

 
Dancing myth #3:  Just have fun.  Nobody’s watching you.
 
Exhibit A—reality shows.  Everybody likes to see a train wreck.  Your friend who told you, “Nobody’s watching you” is just trying to get you to dance with her so she’s not on the floor alone.  Your friend doesn’t care if you can dance.  In fact, if you can’t dance, it makes your friend look that much better.  Your friend will say anything to get you on the dance floor.  By 9pm, your friend will be dancing with a cute guy named Armando while you are doing something akin to the chicken dance near a drunk guy with a confederate-flag t-shirt.  And believe me, people are watching.

 
 
 
My point in all this is—talented people lie, and your friends don’t think you can dance.

This entry was posted on Friday, April 7th, 2006 at 1:20 pm and is filed under Have A Laugh. You can follow responses to this entry through the Comments RSS Feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your site.