Oops! My Bad!
To all the ones who want to find
A scapegoat they can blame
For all the troubles in the world:
I offer you my name.
I have to get this off my chest
(My conscience is at stake)
You see, most of the news today
Is really my mistake.
A year ago, when I was sick,
I kissed a couple ducks,
And now we have that bird flu thing—
I know, it really sucks.
I used to work at Metro Books
I stocked the maps and prints.
Osama bought an atlas there—
I haven’t seen him since.
I got so sick of winter snows
And though it wasn’t right,
I sprayed five cans of aerosol
Into the air each night.
So now the earth is heating up
The ozone’s gone to pot.
But look—you’ll think I’m great one day
When January’s hot!
The thing I feel the worst about
Is Whitney Houston’s plight.
I used to be a waitress at
A place she ate one night.
She sauntered in and ordered coke—
I brought it in a jiff.
But, oops—she meant the beverage one
And not the kind you sniff.
And lastly, I apologize
For Middle Eastern woes:
I shoot off missiles once a week
To keep them on their toes.
So if you turn on CNN
And find the news is sad,
It very likely is my fault.
I’m sorry! Oops! My bad!
Copyright© Wendy Playter 2006
Deb responds:
Posted: April 5th, 2006 at 9:36 am →
I love your brain!
Jay responds:
Posted: April 5th, 2006 at 10:35 am →
Funniest. Post. Evah.
Rachel responds:
Posted: April 5th, 2006 at 10:52 am →
I am not sure which came first, the laughter, the soda up my nose or the rolling of the eyes.
I don’t know how you do it. SUPER FUNNY!!!!
Deb responds:
Posted: April 5th, 2006 at 1:37 pm →
Hey Rachel, if you had bottled what came out your nose after the soda went up it you wouldn’t have to had to buy that fix-a-flat stuff…would have been the same thing! ROFL
Rachel responds:
Posted: April 5th, 2006 at 2:40 pm →
Deb….. that was funny!! Gross, but funny.